I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
