I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
