Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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