When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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