A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
