I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
I just want you to know that I hid the weed. Once you find another job, I'll tell you where it is. Happy Hunting, bro.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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