Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Randomize
