i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I saw your arrest video on youtube. you look so thin!
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
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