I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize