I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
Randomize
