Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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