I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
Randomize
