On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize
