I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
