In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
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