so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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