It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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