she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
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We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
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I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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