So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
