Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
