Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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