so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
