Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
