I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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