I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
