Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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