Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
