dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
