waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
