the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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