If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
The uberlube is also flammable
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
