She is in my trunk
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
It's never too late to be topless.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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