Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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