We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
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he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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