Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
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