Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
