There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
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