Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i was born a porn star she said
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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