I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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