whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Randomize
