He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
