my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
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