tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
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