Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
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