Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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