i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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