I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
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