I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Took off my bra at the laundry mat to throw it in I am officially white trash
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
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