So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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