When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
we made out on top of his cat.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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