So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
he fucked my hip out of place.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
