yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
