i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
