You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You took a bar mat shot.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
