Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Randomize
