so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
