we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
Whoa! I think of you when I eat cottage cheese.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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