I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
