i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize