i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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