Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
