I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
I party with great urgency now.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
