apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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