it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize
