i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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